Dating - Boos and Booty Calls

Dating – Boos and Booty Calls

Some people believe dating is spending time with one person to decide if there is something long-term worth pursuing. Others believe dating is the act of fooling around with several people with no intent to commit to any of them. Some believe that dating is a necessary act to check out several people in order to filter down to a person of interest. Whether one dates to commit or enjoy no-strings abandonment, dating is usually a process whereby people sniff each other out. The dating season is usually the first step of a relationship unless a couple gets purely physical from the gate. 

I am in the process of dating. I was in a relationship for 17 years so as you will guess, dating is very different from long ago. With so many methods to communicate with people (i.e. video, email, chat, phone, in person), there is no reason that people cannot find a way to bond and stay in touch. People spend weeks online chatting, cooing and giggling; by the time they meet, they fall into bed feeling they already know each other. While hooking up through online means, people are also breaking up using social networks and because of social network posts. It is a fascinating plateau to find a boo and booty call.

No longer is the line, “I was not home to get your message” an excuse to miss an opportunity to communicate with a person of interest. The line will be met with “well, why didn’t you Skype me on your laptop?” or “You could have sent me a Facebook message from your cell” or “you could have plugged in a hot spot to reach me”. No longer is the wrong number or the nondisclosure of a number the method to keep people off your tracks, as they will find you through Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or whatever electronic means is necessary. 

In my novel Ghostwriter, you will read of characters that are dating and characters who want to date. Some are better at it than others are - lol. It’s  a world of shorter bridges so be careful what and who you do. Getting rid of people is no longer as easy as not answering the phone. Choose those boos and booty calls wisely.

Terry Birchwood

At Your Best

Have you ever been in a relationship just because it was convenient or you didn’t want to be alone? Have you ever looked at your mate and grimaced; yet you remained in the relationship because you did not want to lose your home, the cash flow, or the car that you could not afford on your own? Have you ever clammed up when your partner touched you or have you envisioned another person so you could get through the sexual session?

If you answered yes to any question, you are guilty of depriving a mate of your best. Regardless of the reason or justification for your actions and behavior, you have performed acts against your spirit. When you perform against your spirit, things NEVER improve; they only worsen. 

I have heard countless stories of relationships where someone lost interest; and, I have been on both sides of the equation.  I have remained in a relationship due to emotional comfort, fear to start over, and fear of violence – but I have never remained for material things. I have walked away from everything on more than one occasion – sometimes leaving with just a bed or simply a suitcase – and not because it was all that I had as possessions. I did it because I would rather have my life and peace of mind than literally fight and brawl over material things. Some may think I am crazy (and some did when I walked away from everything that I built), but that is not the point of this post – to determine whether I left with the right amount of things.

The point is that I am willing to sacrifice to be at my best. When I am at peace, I have the greatest chances to perform at my best in all situations – on a business and personal level. That does not mean the sacrifice won’t bring tears, sadness, turmoil or loss – it means the sacrifice is necessary for growth.   To be one’s best, one must be tested, challenged, polished, refined, continually evolving and be willing to let go. Sometimes, letting go means letting go of the tangibles and holding on to the spirit. Some perceived comfort zones are merely stagnancy coated in emeralds; recognize them and be willing to trade them in for brilliance that attained when you are at your best. Several characters in my first novel, GHOSTWRITER, were not functioning at their best. Find out what happened to them.

Terry Birchwood

Keeping It Real

Have you ever met someone, felt instantly attracted to the person, and you suppressed showing any signs of an attraction? You know what I mean – you refuse to look at the person, you adopt a nearly unreadable facial gesture, and the person thinks you have a vendetta against him or her. You spend so much time making sure the person does not know he or she has piqued your interest that you dissuade the person from showing interest in you.

You leave the person’s presence feeling like an idiot, wondering why you behaved so against your feelings. You realize that you may have cost yourself a great romance, lover or lifetime mate. You sulk at your foolishness and you wish you could relive the moments, doing things differently. You wish you had kept it real. Next time, do so. It makes the difference between treatment based on your soul’s intent and treatment based on a hidden agenda. Don’t you want to know your truth?

Find out who did not keep it real in my first novel, Ghostwriter, and how it lead to a spiral of confusion and scandals. Available in ebook and paperback, all over the web. Ask for it at Barnes & Noble and they will order it for you...

Terry Birchwood... 

Vulnerability

I am me. I am uninhibited. I am not afraid to be vulnerable.  Why fear being exposed? Some think vulnerability is the same as gullibility, but it is not the same. One can be exposed and discerning, simultaneously.  For instance, I reveal my feelings to people, in a heartbeat. If I think you are beautiful, I will tell you. If I love you, you will know it. If you make my heart smile, I will smile at you. Yet, I do not pour my feelings into people, expecting anything in return. Nor do I shower affection on everyone who pours it on me.

Now, I used to be very introverted, fueled by insecurity, oppression and crimes committed against me. With experience, and age, I came to terms with the fact my buried ‘self’ prevented people from truly knowing me. As a result, I began to realize that no one could truly like me because I was not showing me. I was afraid that showing my true self would lead to some type of embarrassment, shun, or loss. Over the years, I have realized that I have nothing to lose; I am only embarrassed, if I choose to be - and those who shun ME are best in someone else’s company.

I also used to be embarrassed to show public affection, even though now I will yell from a mountain. I have no need to hide my feelings for, or from, people. Love does not have to be a secret. I do not fear making an ass of myself or losing ties because I let the world inside.  What is meant for me will be for me. In my vulnerability, I will get to my prizes faster, attracting gifts meant for ‘me’ and not one of my characters.

As an author of erotic thrillers, I must go deep into sexual content to express believable scenarios. There is no room for reservation, conservation or hesitation. I must write as if nothing is taboo, embarrassing, or too much if I want to succeed in reaching my readers’ minds, unlocking those forbidden gates and encouraging them to relish in their deepest thoughts in a way that makes it okay.

We could all stand to open our gates a little more. We hide so much. It is one reason why we are so divided, as a nation and often feel we have nowhere to turn when we need support – an ear, shoulder, hugs, laugh, and advice – a place where we can be vulnerable. It’s cool to be me. Make it cool to be you. Let the sun and the moon shine in, and reflect them back.

Terry Birchwood

Terry Birchwood's 2nd Novel Teaser, Coming 2013

Terry Birchwood's 2nd Novel, coming 2013. Teaser:

“Ok, that was the best.”

“Kim, you say that every time we f**k. Every time can’t be the best.”

“There you go, again, telling me what can and cannot be. Each time gets better so who are you to tell me what’s best?”

“Okay. Here we go.”

“Here we go what, Chris?”

“Here we go with you starting a damned debate! Why do you always have to take everything to the extreme?”

“Excuse me. I am not the one who started this. You chose to tell me what is and is not the best.”

“Oh Lord, here we go.”

“No. Here you go. I have other things to do so you should probably get going.”

“That’s cool. You know I got plans too.”

“I bet you do.”

“You damned right, just like you.”

“Well, I won’t have to worry about making you leave since you have to leave.”

“Ha, funny. You are the best at ruining an afterglow, Kim.”

“Thanks Chris. Are you done?”

“Done with what?”

“Running your mouth.”

“Oh, it’s like that.”

“Is it?”

“F**k this. I’m out.”

I jolted up and hastily grabbed my clothes, preparing to leave.

“Wait, Chris. Don’t leave like that.”

“Like what?”

“You know, in a bad mood.”

“Hell, I didn’t arrive in a bad mood. You put me in one.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, really.”

“Come on, Chris. I said I am sorry. Don’t you believe me?”

Sexual Desire

“I wanted so badly to throw caution to the wind, go to her home, knock on the door, walk in, and begin a delicious tasting of each other, no words uttered. However, sense and sensibility had to stay in control.” from the novel Ghostwriter by Terry Birchwood

No matter how holy, celibate, or virgin we wish to be, most of our bodies ache for stimulation at some point in time. Many of us are sexually aroused through all of our senses: an attractive sight, a sweet-smelling scent, the sound of a voice, the taste of someone’s lips, or the touch of flesh.  Sexual desire is a dynamic need, also triggered by a well of emotions: love, lust, loneliness, insecurity, a need to conquer and on and on. 

Whatever the reason for your sexual desire, it is a natural stimulus. While I am attracted to women of diverse physical characteristics, the common draw to them is sexiness, intelligence, self-confidence, a great sense of humor, and uninhibited thinking. I know what turns me on – the mental trumps the physical, but both are important to awaken my sexual desire, fully.

Whatever arouses you, there is a time and place for everything. If we had sex with everyone who sparked our interest, we would probably sex it up for most of the day, have unimaginable venereal diseases, and be desensitized to the pleasures of sex. I say, be free to fulfill your sexual desire while you utilize sense and sensibility when choosing to indulge in the activity. There is no reason to deny your body the joy of sex; just take care of your body and make mindful decisions that are good for your soul.

Terry Birchwood