Vulnerability

I am me. I am uninhibited. I am not afraid to be vulnerable.  Why fear being exposed? Some think vulnerability is the same as gullibility, but it is not the same. One can be exposed and discerning, simultaneously.  For instance, I reveal my feelings to people, in a heartbeat. If I think you are beautiful, I will tell you. If I love you, you will know it. If you make my heart smile, I will smile at you. Yet, I do not pour my feelings into people, expecting anything in return. Nor do I shower affection on everyone who pours it on me.

Now, I used to be very introverted, fueled by insecurity, oppression and crimes committed against me. With experience, and age, I came to terms with the fact my buried ‘self’ prevented people from truly knowing me. As a result, I began to realize that no one could truly like me because I was not showing me. I was afraid that showing my true self would lead to some type of embarrassment, shun, or loss. Over the years, I have realized that I have nothing to lose; I am only embarrassed, if I choose to be - and those who shun ME are best in someone else’s company.

I also used to be embarrassed to show public affection, even though now I will yell from a mountain. I have no need to hide my feelings for, or from, people. Love does not have to be a secret. I do not fear making an ass of myself or losing ties because I let the world inside.  What is meant for me will be for me. In my vulnerability, I will get to my prizes faster, attracting gifts meant for ‘me’ and not one of my characters.

As an author of erotic thrillers, I must go deep into sexual content to express believable scenarios. There is no room for reservation, conservation or hesitation. I must write as if nothing is taboo, embarrassing, or too much if I want to succeed in reaching my readers’ minds, unlocking those forbidden gates and encouraging them to relish in their deepest thoughts in a way that makes it okay.

We could all stand to open our gates a little more. We hide so much. It is one reason why we are so divided, as a nation and often feel we have nowhere to turn when we need support – an ear, shoulder, hugs, laugh, and advice – a place where we can be vulnerable. It’s cool to be me. Make it cool to be you. Let the sun and the moon shine in, and reflect them back.

Terry Birchwood